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  1. #1
    VXR enough
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    Default Best excuse to avoid speeding ticket

    A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him.

    He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

    The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."

    The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!

    The Cop left saying, " Have a good day, Sir "..... :

  2. #2
    VXR enough FX_Red's Avatar
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    Default

    lol

  3. #3
    Are you VXR enough? Mr Gee's Avatar
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    Default



    That joke is as old as the hills.
    Vectra

  4. #4
    VXRed Chris76's Avatar
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    Default

    Nice one

  5. #5
    VXR "Appreciated" VeXeR's Avatar
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    Default

    Old one but a good one.
    Here's another:

    Tiger Woods was driving around the back arsch of Ireland before a major golf event in a new Volvo XC90 that he won in a tournament earlier that year.
    He pulled into a filling station, whereupon an inbred looking slow guy hobbled out of a shack to put fuel in the jeep for him.
    "Jeeez boy, dat's a lubbely Bolbo. We don't see too many of them around here" he said in a stuttering accent.
    After some small talk, Tiger went to his pocket to pull out cash to pay when a few golfing tees fell on the ground.
    "Jeez boy, but what are dem things at all at all?" the attendant asked.
    "Oh, those are for holding my balls while I'm driving" Tiger replied.

    "Haaaa boy, sure that's bwilliant. Dem boys at Bolbo think of everything".
    OPC ÉIRE
    Drop me a PM for Irish meets, group adds etc.

  6. #6
    VXRed
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    11th August 2010
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    170

    Thumbs up

    Mmm.. well we have the classic : late to work / my wife is pregnant and just arrived the hospital / Im taking my son/brother/whatever to the hospital (must be with you in the car, doesnt matter if it really isn´t yours) / Im going to the hospital now as im getting really dizzy/ headache/ whatever..

    - Im late to the airport.. / Job interview

    - I was going to catch my wife cheating on me / I was going to meet my affair before my wife gets home.

    ********************************************
    " I tought a fake/ stolen police car was chasing me ...?"
    Police:- Why would you think that. blabla.. ?
    - Well.. I saw you were stopped and suddenly pulled over to the road like a chav- maniac and started chasing me.. / I saw you did a chavstatic movement a couple miles ago and got paranoid blabla..
    ********************************************

    " I was running away from an old bmw m3 full of chavs who started chasing me and they had a gun !! "


    - The car has a problem and overheats, so i need to go fast so the air gets to the motor and it doesnt heat up. ( Lol i actually had that happen with a car along time ago, at the end the problem was the coolant bottle ).

    -So ... this isnt that speed unlimited highway "auto-barn "?? ..mmm Jimmy musta messed-up when he updated my GPS.

    - Excuse me sir, im an vx engineer and im testing some tweaks we were going to make for the new Astra/Corsa/etc , yeah dont fault me, the pilot didnt appear today at work and they closed our race track due to ...

    - I just came from fast-fit again those nuts got my disk brakes backwards last time.. so had to check the brakes were 100% working now.

    - Sorry ive just left my classic euro-car in the garage for repairs which dash is in km. I forgot this car is in mph.

    -Speeding?¿ what are you talking about? Im not even pushing it 50%

    - I hope you understand ... I was going for donuts..



    Seriously though ,sometimes the only way to avoid the ticket is if the officer really is in the mood that day.

    Lets get creative.. sounds fun
    Trust No one!

  7. #7
    VXRacing ahead
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    Default

    That some funny **** after a very bad week ,spat my beer over the desk

  8. #8
    VXR enough V6spike's Avatar
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    Default

    This is no joke its a Gen Dit.

    back in the 90's i was deploying oversees. a few of us had finished leave and a course in the UK and were driving (at pace) to the ferry port. we were pulled over by the police and asked the usual 'why were you speeding', quickly i answered with 'Im in the Army and we've been called back to the Regiment as we are deploying early because of the humanitarian issue (in Bosnia at the time). luckily we had all our military gear in the car which kind of added weight to the story.

    i quickly realised that i had opened a can of worms so there was no back tracking now. he asked if i had a number for the unit to which i did, i gave him the number of my troop sergeant who (funny enough) played along.

    we were then escorted across 3 counties to Dover to catch the ferry!

    However when i got back to camp (in Germany) my troop Sgt wasn't impressed but chuckled that i had stuck to the story. for my efforts it cost me a crate of beer and a weekend duty, which i didn't complete because he deployed!!!
    2006 Arden Vectra VXR Estate. Stage 1 remap by MWP. Bilstein B8 shocks (front), Eibach Prosport springs all round, Pioneer AVIC F970DAB HU, Pipercross and Ramair Custom Cones with ASH heat shield, MTECH Shortshifter, Custom Alloy pipework from Turbo to MAF and TB to intercooler.

  9. #9
    VXR enough
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    Default

    Nice one lol

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