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  • Things you wish you hadn't said

    Was doing my good deed for the day and was helping the wee old man that stays next to me move his old mattress from his bedroom down to his back garden. Anyway when I was lifting the mattress off the bed thought I was being funny n said oh hope you've lifted all the dirty magazines from under the here, he then proceeded to take 2 magazines from under the bed frame and said its fine I've already moved them lol I honestly wanted the ground to swallow me up. That'll teach me to open my big mouth next time trying to be smart lol So who else has had this happen and what have you said?

  • #2
    Pmsl old man thought his luck was in maybe lol

    Was in the car one day with a mate,well didnt know him aswell as i do now he was driving.About 200 yards up the road i see this very large women walking down the road hand an hadn with some guy.I turn an say jesus rather him than me an start laughing,nxt thing i knew he was tooting the horn an waving it was his sister.Talk about feeling small i thought he was winding me up at first but he wasnt,he took it well though
    sigpic

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    • #3
      My student job from college was as a postie....anyway 3 days of delivering cards of various colours, white, pink, yellows and on the 3rd day the guy opens the door and I said "Just some cards today, must be somebody's birthday!"






      "Er no my wife has just died" was the response

      Astra

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      • #4
        Originally posted by IanJ View Post
        My student job from college was as a postie....anyway 3 days of delivering cards of various colours, white, pink, yellows and on the 3rd day the guy opens the door and I said "Just some cards today, must be somebody's birthday!"






        "Er no my wife has just died" was the response
        Oohh that's a major wanting the ground to swallow you up moment

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        • #5
          Originally posted by AstraGirly View Post
          Oohh that's a major wanting the ground to swallow you up moment
          It was until a few weeks later and I could tell how much porn the guy was ordering - a postie can spot the ropey packages a mile off lol

          Astra

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          • #6
            This

            Originally posted by deans arctic View Post
            anyone recommend me a good fat stripper?
            came out completely wrong

            corsa arctic edition #257
            now sold

            REAR STRUT BAR FOR SALE!

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            • #7
              theres loads i've said that i wish i hadn't, one that springs to mind is to do with this lass i used to work with who was a lesbian, i use the word 'gay' to describe general bad situations or things that i dont like, as in saying 'thats really gay!'. Had been saying this for about 2 weeks without reallising until the penny dropped lol, luckily she didn't seem to mind, still felt bad tho haha
              W20 ADM's led Lighting shop, see link below for details
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              • #8
                Introducing a new german girl to our work. she can take a laugh. So out on drinks in the pub, and bit of a communication problem. so we all laugh about some things, i said the only word i know is NEIN, as you say in a strong german accent, everyone found it funny. (im known to be a bit controversial) so i say NEIN! while doing hitler style pose everyone else laughs, not the german girl. look on her face, saved the day by buying her a drink.
                Peter: Hey Lois... what's this word? Lois: Evil. Peter: And this one? Lois: Knievel. Peter: And this one? Lois: Was. Peter: And this one? Lois: Born. Peter: And this one? Lois: In. Peter: And this one? Lois: Montana. Peter: Ah... oh, hey Lois did you know Evil Knievel was born in Montana? Family Guy - I Take Thee, Quagmire 04x21

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                • #9
                  can just imagine that

                  corsa arctic edition #257
                  now sold

                  REAR STRUT BAR FOR SALE!

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                  • #10
                    Big girl at work was reading some rubbish in a magazine about how everyone has an "inner animal"

                    She asked me what I thought her inner animal might be. Without even thinking, I just said "whale"

                    She looked like she was ready to blub, and I thought I was going to get into some serious ******
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                    • #11
                      When I was at college about 12 yrs ago I was doing my work placement in the Mechanical Engineering dept. It was my 1st day there too.
                      So I turned up nice and early was introduced by my college lecturer to some new "workmates" then started the day. About 2hrs into the day a woman walked into the dept and into an office, I casually asked who she wAs and how lovely she looked (in a professional manner) to which the girl I was talking to said "Erm that's the boss.. And she is my mother!" she saw the funny side.. So did her mother when I had to have an induction tak with her.

                      Everything went great from then on

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by stampede View Post
                        Big girl at work was reading some rubbish in a magazine about how everyone has an "inner animal"

                        She asked me what I thought her inner animal might be. Without even thinking, I just said "whale"

                        She looked like she was ready to blub, and I thought I was going to get into some serious ******
                        you sir are a legend

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by stampede View Post
                          Big girl at work was reading some rubbish in a magazine about how everyone has an "inner animal"

                          She asked me what I thought her inner animal might be. Without even thinking, I just said "whale"

                          She looked like she was ready to blub, and I thought I was going to get into some serious ******
                          Hahahaha that's the kind of thing I say. I just open my mouth n let ny belly rumble sometimes. Or I think things sound funny in my head then say it and it goes by like tumble weed lol

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                          • #14
                            I was running a project at our HQ which was overseen by a female Ch Insp who popped in each moring to say hello, she drove a MX5 and on a nice sunny morning she stuck her head around the door with her hair somewhat dishevelled, I innocently said, nice to see you have driven in with the top down, the ensuing pregnant pause was not the highlight of my career!



                            my VXR history: Arden Corsa, Astra Nurburgring, Corsa Arctic, Evoke VXR8, Black Corsa, Silver Vectra, a long weekend with an Insignia, a chilli burger and now a siggy tourer!

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                            • #15
                              these are hilarious - keep them coming. I'm always saying stupid stuff at the wrong time and i always seem to say it when I've got my volume turned up as well so everyone can hear me lol.

                              I was in Asda doing the shopping with Rich ordering a pork pie (the one that has the egg in the middle) from the deli counter and without thinking I said at the top of my voice. Do you think they use one big egg in that pork pie. The looks people gave me was funny as. The best of it was I didn't even realise what was wrong with what I had said (this was pre-baby brain as well) lol
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