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British Gameshow Humour

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  • British Gameshow Humour

    HEARD ON QUIZ SHOWS:


    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
    Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers' ?
    Contestant: Homosexuals.
    Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.


    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
    Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
    Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
    Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
    Contestant: Leicester.

    BBC NORFOLK
    Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: I don't know.
    White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
    Contestant: Arm.
    White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
    Contestant: Strong.
    White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten' s first name?
    Contestant: Louis.
    White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
    Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
    Contestant: France.
    Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
    Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
    Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
    Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
    Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
    Contestant: Paris.

    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
    Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
    Contestant: The Conservative Party.

    BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)
    DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
    Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

    THE WEAKEST LINK
    Anne Robinson: In traffic, what 'J' is where two roads meet?
    Contestant: Jool carriageway?

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
    Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
    Contestant: Goosey?

    GWR FM (Bristol)
    Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
    Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

    RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)
    Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The ...?
    Caller: Mohicans.

    QUIZMANIA
    Greg Scott: We're looking for a word that goes in front of 'clock'.
    Contestant: Grandfather.
    Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else.
    Contestant: Panda.

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)
    Phil: What's 11 squared?
    Contestant: I don't know.
    Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
    Contestant: Is it five?

    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
    A: Forrest Gump.

    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Leslie: He makes bread . . .
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Leslie: He makes cakes . . .
    Contestant: Kipling Street?

    MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)
    Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
    Contestant: Erm . . .
    Presenter: Well, let's put it this way - he didn't see 1964.
    Contestant: 1965?

    SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)
    Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
    Contestant: Six.
    Tufnell: Higher!
    Contestant: Five.

    FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)
    Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED
    and PIT.
    Team: Chedpit.

    LINCS FM PHONE-IN
    Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
    Contestant: Barcelona.
    Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
    Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

    RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW
    Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
    Contestant: 23.

    NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM)
    Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
    Contestant (long pause): Er, it's not in Scotland, is it?

    THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)
    Girdler: I'm looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter 'e'.
    Contestant: Ghana.
    Girdler: No, listen. It's an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
    Contestant: New Zealand.

    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
    Question: What is the world's largest continent?
    Contestant: The Pacific

    ROCK FM (PRESTON)
    Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
    Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
    Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
    Contestant: Magna Carta.

    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
    O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
    Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er ... er ... three?

    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what?
    Contestant: Jelly.

    RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)
    Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
    Contestant (after long deliberation) : Erm, Kellogg's?

    BLIND DATE (ITV)
    Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen.
    Boy: Charlotte Bronte.

    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)
    Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
    Caller: Japan.
    Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
    Caller: Er ... Mexico?

    DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)
    Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings?
    Contestant: Enid Blyton

    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)
    Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
    Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
    Contestant: Basketball.

    NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ
    Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
    Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?

    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
    Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
    Contestant: Holland?
    Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
    Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
    Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
    Contestant: No.

    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
    Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
    Contestant: Er . . .
    Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
    Contestant: Blimey?
    Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
    Contestant: (Silence)
    Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
    Contestant: Walked?

    NATIONAL LOTTERY
    Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:a) Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea?
    Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It's on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

    THE VAULT
    Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
    Contestant: Nostalgia.

    LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
    Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
    Contestant: Jewish.
    Presenter: That's close enough.

    BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1
    Chris Moyles: Which 'S' is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
    Contestant: Ummm . . .
    Moyles: It begins with 'S' and rhymes with 'perm'.
    Contestant: Shark.

    STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
    Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
    Contestant: Jesus.

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