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  • Jokes

    come on then, give us your best.

    i will start...

    A Man is speeding along the motorway when out of nowhere a copper pulls behind him, signaling the speeder to pull over.
    Once the man is stopped, the copper comes to his window, and says "do you know you were speeding?"

    "i do, i was going pretty fast" answers the man.
    "mind if search your vehicle sir?" asks the officer.
    "no problem mate, but i warn you, in the glove box i have a gun, in the back seat i have a lot of drugs, and in the boot, i have a bomb, with the hooker i shot last night laying dead over it"

    shocked the copper stands back, draws his gun and calls for back up.

    almost immediately, back up arrives, and another copper approaches the car and starts to search.

    10 minutes later, looking confused, the copper walks up to the driver, and says "look, my collegue says you had a gun in the glove box, drugs on the back seat, a bomb and a dead person in the boot. the glovebox is empty, the back seat has nothing but a coat on, and the boot is empty"

    "yeah" replies the driver "and i bet he told you i was speeding too"

  • #2
    Now that was funny....

    Not really a joke but an funny email:

    Dear Technical Support,

    18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products, and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

    To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night out 3.1, Football 3pm, and Playboy 6.9.

    Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware program, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

    Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware.

    I then upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2006.

    Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and WhingeExcel.

    These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
    Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which Needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation.

    Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off.

    Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2006, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2006, it tends to delete all of your Money files before uninstalling itself. Any help on this matter would be most gratefully received


    • #3
      Gonna steal that one alex and post somewhere else


      • #4

        alex stole it from vvoc... saw it on their the other day


        • #5
          Originally posted by VXR - xtc

          alex stole it from vvoc... saw it on their the other day
          Hehe, wrong :wink: . Stole from an email I received in December. Been doing the rounds for a while that one. Got some others somewhere.


          • #6
            Originally posted by AlexFi
            Dear Technical Support,

            etc etc
            Dear Client,

            We acknowledge your problem. As Girlfriend 1.0 and Drinking Mates 4.2 are not supported any more may we suggest the following course of action:

            Fiancee 1.0 is a Beta and although it was very succesfull during the testing phase, it will require full licensing to operate correctly, albeit with the known bugs that you have highlighted. As a result of these changes, Wife 1.0 will now update regularly, without any intervention from yourself and you will notice that over time both ShoeShop Browser and Hairstyle Express run auonomously in the background as a 'service', again without your control. Wife 1.0 does spawn child processes, but you are advised that terminating Wife 1.0 will induce massive copyright costs if the original code is altered, and high maintenence is to be expected should Wife 1.0 migrate to another platform.

            In relation to Wife 1.0 attaching itself to your Audi TT hard drive, crashes can be lessened by removing patch Makeup 1.0 from Accessories Handbag 1.0.

            Mother-In-Law 1.0, can be blocked from access to your TT hard drive as there are insufficient slots avialable for both Wife 1.0, Mother-In-Law 1.0 and yourself.

            Do not install Mistress 2006 as it will cause a conflict and will delete all of your Money files as stated. A better option is to use Virtual Whore 6.9 which runs in its own memory space away from your resident Wife 1.0 and is undetectable as long as it stays out of reach of Mother-In-Law 1.0


            • #7
              Lol, I forgot there was a reply. Nice one BO55 :wink: